Mom...

So, Ryan is now in a treatment facility. He has been for some time now. His therapist believes it will help him develop coping skills to make sure he is a part of the grieving process of my mother's death. We will be going to Elizabethtown to pick him up, allowing him to attend my Mom's funeral, when ever that ends up being. Children are so resilient, but I wonder if this might seriously throw him off his track. He seems to finally be straightening out a little bit. We are very proud of how well mannered and helpful he was on our Sunday visit.
Our visit with Mom on Sunday night was really late, but she went ahead and got up. She was so hard to understand but I was thinking she wanted to get up to visit so I finally asked her if she wanted me to go get Jack. She looked at me real serious and said she had quit drinking. She kind of giggled after she said it so I had to wonder if she was making a joke, in that bad of shape, she was still finding humor in things? Would the rest of us be able to still laugh, knowing full well the next breath could potentially be our last. I told her I love her and she said she knew, she knew I'd always loved her and that she had always loved me. Losing your child has to be the single most painful thing I can think of to occur to a woman. My Mom was a very tough woman, and she was beautiful. I remember when I met her, when she, the girls and Jack lived in Hammersville. I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever laid eyes on. She was so graceful, always quick to smile, to laugh, even at herself. Her love for life was so incredible. She carried guilt around with her, much like I do. For things we could not possibly go back and change. I've never blamed Mom for my life. It has not been pretty but it is what it is. I embrace it, possibly with as much zeal as my recently departed Mom. In my minds eye Mom will always be the beautiful princess I met at eleven years of age, having never been able to glean more than her first name away from any of the Wilson family. My Aunt Nelda, finally told me her name and showed me a picture that supposedly had been taken when she was pregnant with me. I sure thought Lu was an odd name for a woman, but my mother was undeniably spirited and gorgeous even in a faded 9 year old picture. I love you Mom.