In a perfect world...

Children would realize how much we love them and not go out of their way in attempts to hurt us. Ryan was admitted into a local acute crisis center last night. He was very excited about going. All of his stuff that he was allowed to take was packed yesterday morning. He was still being very defiant and would  not respond to John nor I. He seems rather contented with himself. His last hospitalization, I gain eight of my lost pounds back. This time I am determined to feel less of the guilt I did the last time. When Ryan came home from the hospital the last time, Michael, my twelve year old son, John, my husband, and I all tried everything we could to revise how our household runs in order to accommodate him. I have a tendency to be a bit more on the permissive side when John is on the road, mainly because John is my rock, my stabilizer. I am somewhat more distracted when he is gone because I focus more on my artwork. Thing is, when the children get home from school, I am all theirs. We always have dinner together, at the table. I sit down and help with homework. I have some of their friends over on the weekends. I try to be as patient as possible. Even when Ryan physically attacked me the other night at the soccer field, at Michael's practice, after I'd let him go to his practice in order to "run off some energy",  I tried to keep it all in perspective. I did mess up. I kind of have this odd tick. When I get real nervous or really embarrassed, I started laughing. He had been screaming about how much he hates me for the last twenty minutes. How mean I was and how I wouldn't help him. The messed up part was that I was actually trying to help him.We all know that unless one is willing to help themselves, all the 'help' in the world will do no good. He ended up charging at me and one of the ladies at the practice called John while I restrained Ryan in the parking lot. He was relatively calm by the time his Dad got there and was trying to tell me he was sorry, so I sat in the back seat of the car and talked over what had happened. The real issue is this: Ryan had skipped homework. The teacher sent all that work and it was left for John and I to get him through it. John helped him until soccer practice. I took him to soccer, with the understanding that at Michael's practice, he would finish the assignment. When we got to Michael's practice, Ryan informed me that he would like to take a zero on the assignment and go play on the school playground. I told him that he could play on the playground AFTER he finished the math worksheet. That is when he started escalating. We typically call it "melting down". What Ryan had done was basically throw a super-sized temper tantrum. His I.Q. is 147. He is a smart little guy. He just seems to not care who he mows over on his path of self destruction.